2011
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December 18
Out visiting a friend of ours, I am told that their dog has to be given a regular full body shave because it suffers from allergies, rashes and other unpleasantries, a common side-effect of breeding a cross such as this (a Chihuahua and an Doberman Pincer, I believe). But what really got my interest was that such an extreme remedy is so readily accepted by the poor dog, apparently enduring without a whimper. This, for the the betterment of its master, and of course the dog, which would otherwise have to be put down.
In a similar vein I wonder if we could learn from this and apply the same remedy to another field producing similarly gross side-effects as a result of tampering with the natural order of things? Brought about by a number of crass, venal people who dare to ruin the natural order of things in order to make even more money, I am of course talking about T20 cricket.
Some would argue that this whole Big-bash/T20 thing is a crude, vulgar and immensely ugly side-effect in itself, and I would be the first to agree with them. But seeing we may not be easily able to put it down and out of it's misery (like a dog), this God-awful spectacle itself can be made more easier for a lot of people to live with by adopting a similar measure to that outlined above. Otherwise, allowing the T20 abomination to continue on as it is, a grotesque perversion of God's game for man, would surely toll the final bell of death to all that's fair and good in the world.
Granted, the players might at first object, but we just need to tell them that it is part of the evolution of the game and necessary for them to continue to earn good money and they will then no doubt roll over without a whimper. Just like my friend's dog.
A mandatory full body shave of each player before every game, is what I propose, perhaps performed and filmed by Tony Greg, Bill Lawry and the rest of the Channel 9 team. To temendous applause, all players then run out on the field au naturel, wearing absolutely nothing, save perhaps only for protective pads (transparent white), hats and cod-pieces (for protection, not modesty).
Adding another layer of humiliation to this disgusting spectacle can only serve to draw in the crowds even more so, salvaging it from it's current dismal attendance figures and perhaps making it the most popular sight on television since Warne debuted with his new waistline a few months back.
More importantly, I and other people of good taste in this wide, brown land of ours could at least be spared the sight of those ghastly team colours each time we find ourselves having accidentally tuned in.
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